Wish I did. Know how to choose them, that is. Hell, I can't even find 'em most the time. Choose between what and what else--that's what I'd like to know.
. . .Wasn't it cool the way Huckabee let the air out of Romney? Nothing illegal, immoral or unethical. No sniping. No dirty tricks. Just stopped him cold. That's the way the big people play the game.
What was cooler was that on Monday, the day before Super Tuesday, two days before Woeful Wednesday and three days before I Feel Like I'm Going To Throw Up Thursday, I told one of my rabid Republican acquaintances that that was exactly how it would go down. There is this thing between evangelicals and Mormons that most people don't get. The lady I was talking to Monday is Catholic by upbringing, though I don't think she actually hits the pews more than once or twice a year. So she wouldn't know. She liked Romney because he wasn't McCain. She figured she could trust him to perpetuate the war in Iraq and keep those corporate entitlements flowing. I told her that Huckabee would dance in, draw off about a quarter of the Republican voters and leave Romney sucking gas. She said, "Oh, no, no, Huckabee will try to damage McCain, because McCain is not nearly 'conservative' enough." I told her that the fact that Romney was a Mormon trumped all political considerations. Period. She didn't believe me. Perhaps she'll listen now.
I have been aware of this animosity all my life because I was born a Mormon and many of my relatives remain card-carrying Mormons. Every couple of years, it seems, I get an opportunity to sit there silently and listen to a radical right evangelical, at work or school or somewhere, tell a group at coffee break or whatever about how Mormons eat their first born and marry their mothers and whatnot. After they've gone on for a good ten or fifteen minutes, I announce that I am from Salt Lake City and grew up in a Mormon family. They invariably assume that this means I am a devout church-going Mormon. I love to watch them squirm. See, in some instances, they know for a fact that what they were telling these people before I piped up was pure fabrication. Most of the time, though, what they know for certain is that they don't know anything. What they're spouting is what they've heard at Sunday school from other evangelicals. They've never talked to anyone that they knew for sure was a Mormon. Till now. Of course the other thing they assume is that I know the tenets of the Mormon faith by heart. Wrong. I can't argue for Mormonism any more intelligently than they can argue against it. I just like to see them turn beet-red and squirm.
Anyway, no evangelical will ever vote for a Mormon. Ever. They consider Mormonism on a par, heretically speaking, with Islam. They would cast a vote for McCain against Hillary (she's worse than Mormonism and Islam put together), but if it were Romney against Hillary, they'd stay home. I'm not kidding. Why do you think Pat Robertson came out for Giuliani? Ol' Rudy--on his third wife, known to have had mistresses practically his whole adult life, pro-choice, pro-gun-control (as long as he's not speaking on a national stage), etc. etc. Robertson picked Giuliani to stop Romney. At that moment, McCain seemed to have lost too much blood to be of any use and Huckabee is . . . Well, Huckabee's the competition, isn't he? Pat Robertson is, after all, running a business there. He surelier than shit isn't going to endorse the competition. By the way, that's part of what's wrong with Mormons, too: they are proselytizers and, hence, compete with Robertson for tithe dollars. But remember that's only part of it. There is still that doctrinal (do you think?) animosity that beats anything the evangelicals have ever had for Lutherans or even Catholics. Remember, many of them refer openly to the Pope as the Anti-Christ. No, kids, Mormons are worse than that.
Another cool thing. The way it all played out, it left Pat Robertson kind of a non-player. He backed some folks in the 2006 election who didn't make it and one of the Sunday morning pundits quipped, "Well apparently God is not taking direction from Pat Robertson." It did my heart good to have that reconfirmed--God is still not taking direction from Pat Robertson.