February 20th, 2010


Where were you When Tiger Spoke?

I was driving to work.  Unfortunately I missed the first few minutes because Stairway to Heaven was on Coyote 102.5 Classic Rock and I had to stay tuned for the guitar solo at the end.  They've completely worn out the first four minutes of that song, as far as I'm concerned, but I still love the build up at the end and the way it breaks into the guitar solo and sort of crashes to halt.  I will be late for a telecon with The Customer at work sometimes and still drive around the block once to hear the end of Stairway to Heaven [hopeless, I know].

But I finally came to my senses and remembered that History was being made on Commie Talk 1350--they had promised to preempt all other programming to air Tiger's Address to the Nation in its entirety no matter what.  I found it a little hard to drive with my head bowed in reverence to the historical significance and sheer gravitas oozing from my car radio speakers.  I should have pulled over, I guess.  Everybody should have.

What I got the biggest kick out of was watching ESPN in the lunchroom at work.  Of course, they had gone over to All-Tiger-All-the-Time-Emergency-Broadcast-Mode featuring non-stop commercial-free commentary on the Event of the Century (so far).  My favorite was a "Body Language Expert" they had dug up somewhere.  She said he was full of shit, that the Address to the Nation had probably been written by his sponsor's lawyers and rehearsed for days.  Everyone one else was split very close to fifty-fifty--or at least that's the way they presented it.  One Infallible Sports Dignitary would say, "This was the most heart-wrenching, heartfelt speech I've ever heard and it must have taken the courage of five lions to delivery it.  Think of all he's lost! (sniff, sniff)"  And the next one would say, "That guy is like soooo full of shit.  He can't open his mouth without making a million-plus and that's exactly what he's doing.  He's still so friggin' rich that if his wife took half of it in a divorce, he couldn't spend the other half before he died.  Boo-fucking-hoo!"  What callousness with regard to a turning point in our nation's history!  I swear.

. . .

I was a little surprised that ol' Henry Rollins didn't have anything to say last night about Tiger's Address to the Nation.  Maybe he doesn't get ESPN in the Bon-Jovi-Mobile.  Hmm . . .  He (Henry Rollins) was good, though.  He's always worth a few bucks to go hear.  He just talks about the shit he's done since he was here last.  For two hours and fifty-nine minutes.  And people sit there rapt.

Makes you almost feel like getting up and doing something.  Almost.