February 23rd, 2013


I really need to quit that shit . . .

Are you kidding?  There's probably not time to quit all the shit you need to quit before you die.

Yes, that would be sad: to die not having quit all your shit.  It's like this golden idol of achievement you've been chasing after and striving toward all your life finally runs over you from behind and squashes you flat, achieving every last goal you ever had in a single instant.

We are all swimming for the "far shore of accomplishment," friends, and if we drown in the process, we will only have achieved it that much sooner; we will only have arrived ahead of the strivers.

An unscripted relationship---that’s what I want.

You know what I mean?  So, so many relationships between people---and that can be lovers or parents or siblings or colleagues or whatever---follow a script down a predetermined path.  Its not always the same path; that's what gives us the illusion of self determination and diversity and chance and stuff.  But it is a predetermined path.

Back when we used to "author" scripts for training scenarios, we used to "make" them realistic by having them "branch" depending on what the trainee did, according to the path that the trainee "chose."  I think they do very similar stuff in video games nowadays.  The really good ones have dozens if not hundreds of possible branches and by the time you raise the number of choices at one branch node to the power of the number at the last one, the possibilities seem infinite---and they kind of are---but the outcomes don't seem to be.  The array of details associated with the outcomes are mind-boggling in diversity, but the outcomes are all related in a sense.  Even the winning and losing scenarios are related.  They're different roles in the same play.  In the end, Cat Woman is not going to swoop down and same-sex-marry Lois Lane and go off and produce identical twin baboons from two separate wombs.   The possibilities aren't really infinite; the possible outcomes are innumerable within certain limits or guidelines.  It's like the old deal about there being an infinite number of points between any two points on a line.  There are an infinite number of places to land between the two points, but each one, like the infinity of others, is on the line and between the two points.  They all have that in common.

So, could you have a relationship with someone you like, a partnership as it were, that was not stuck in a bunch of predetermined creek beds and arroyos that, however diverse, all flowed downhill to the same river?  Could you have a "meta-relationship" that occurred on the level of the people who wrote the damn video game, not at the level of the characters contained within it?

I must think.  But first I must eat . . .