|An Art Official . . .
||[Dec. 27th, 2013|10:17 am]
Phrembah (a potato-like mystery)
. . . That's what I want to be! Where do I sign up? What credentials do I need? I'll order them on the web this afternoon! Whenever there's trouble with art, people will call me, the Art Official, to step in and save the day, rescue the innocent and punish the guilty.
. . .
But what I really want is a rap sheet featuring multiple arrests resulting in charges of hooliganism. It seems like if you commit any imagined offense in or around Russia---and they are imagined offenses---like protesting at an oil rig or singing a song that condemns Putin with faint praise, you will be charged with a capital offense against the state like treason or espionage or something, charges that will be reduced to hooliganism once the authorities realize that the press, and hence, the world are watching. If the original charges stood you'd be executed or shipped off to a prison above the arctic circle that you would not be expected to survive. Hooliganism will get you a few years in a survivable prison, and probably a pardon as soon as the PR value of a release exceeds the example value of a prison term.
The point here is that only in Russia can you be jailed for hooliganism. I think they could make serious money by issuing rap sheets and/or arrest warrants for hooliganism. Make them suitable for framing and charge €50 each. You could write to the Kremlin, include a check or money order and achieve the international criminal status of Pussy Riot without leaving your bedroom.
I need to get on this. Who do I know at the Kremlin . . .