Phrembah (a potato-like mystery) (phrembah) wrote,
Phrembah (a potato-like mystery)

I just realized . . .

. . . I've been on vacation for the last thirty-odd years.  No wonder I never got a vacation; I was always already there.  I worked my ass off as a kid mowing lawns and landscaping to make money to buy rock 'n' roll accoutremá and then in my twenties I was a "tech" but I was essentially working construction: hauling 70 lb. amplifiers up multiple flights of stairs, pulling bell wire through kinked conduit to a box thirty feet off the floor on a gynasium wall.  I went home filthy and exhausted evry day, but it was honest work.  The years as a sound man at various state fairs and drag strips were almost as physically demanding and involved long, long hours.

After I went to school and got a job with a multinational engineering firm, though, I had plenty of money to do the limited shit I wanted to do.  Mostly I went to two to five movies a week and ate out every day at places I liked to eat.  I went to some concerts.  I had some girlfriends, mostly women who considered themselves tragic figures, legitimately or otherwise.  I sought enlightenment, which was fun but fruitless.  All in all, however, never being married or having kids, I could just do what I felt like doing next.  I was essentially on vacation.  Work was cool sometimes, mostly not, but it always paid enough to keep the Endless Autumn of my life mostly debt and worry free.  I worried some, but looking back, the worry was for naught; I never really had any problem finding work if I really wanted to, work that would pay well enough to, after a few months, fuel two more years of being an irresponsible asshole.

So, anyway . . . that was and continues to be the dill.  Will I have to get a job again?  If I do, minimum wage part time at Starbucks would probably be sufficient until I could arrange that final big vacation in the sky.  My "worry about it" days are over.  Hell they've always been over; I just didn't realize it till just now.
Tags: brain fart, compelling chronicle, profundity extraordinaire

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